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Any program that helps individuals confront phobias (and social phobia is as real as any) always focuses on gradual exposure to increasingly stronger episodes of that person's worse fear (desensitization) in an attempt to convince the mind of the harmlessness of the stimulus -- which is always far less that perceived. But perception is reality, if it's real for your mind, then it's real.

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Hi Derek.
O.K, here are my initial questions. The first is that I noticed that all of the exercises require you to begin with the relaxation primer, my query here is; does this mean that you have to do 5 or so relaxation primers every day? Another is that, some of the exercises specify no time structure (hence practice every day forever?), while a few specify practice for a few weeks. This lack of structure or organization for the exercises has left me confused. How many of them am I meant to fit into one day? At what times of the day for optimal effectiveness? In what order? I am currently doing the 'fear and hesitation banisher', followed by (with no pause), what I see, rightly or wrongly, as the most important, the 'playfullness amplifier'.
The other, non related question I have is; a friend of mind {who I can not risk losing} whom I have known for a couple of years, I happen to like. The problem here is that, on three or so occasions I could swear that she may have been trying to send me signals, but on all of these, because she is a precious friend of mine, I did not know how to respond, so merely kept talking and initiated no physical contact. My trepidation is due in no small part to the fact that, on one early occasion, I overheard her talking about me (I was standing next to her) as her 'long term prospect'. However, I didn't know what to do, and so played dumb; she seemed offended by this. Later on during the week, I then tried to ask her out, and she swiftly said no (almost before the words came out of my mouth); for a long time after this she wouldn't trust me. The most recent vibes were from a few weeks back, but I couldn't risk losing her trust again if I happened to be wrong (or if, like before, I got the timing wrong). Every time she makes some vibes, and I don't respond, she backs off as a friend and I don't see her for a few weeks. So, how do I get her interested again, and when that happens, how do I respond without jeopardizing our friendship? For me, a difficult problem. Your program has immensely valuable information on getting in and finishing, however, this problem requires extreme sensitivity.
P.S, she also has a loser boyfriend whom no one likes, even she has told me that she knows it's going nowhere, and that she doesn't want to spend time with him. However, she is also one of these people who likes her comfort zone, and is in addition extremely shy. She is also leaving New Zealand to go and live in England at the end of the year, so time is noticably finite.

No, one relaxation per day.

What about her loser boyfriend attracted her to him? What were his traits that she fell for? Even though he was a loser, he HAD something that she was attracted to.

Regards,

Derek

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